If a man sits in the last row of an aircraft and a lady reclines her seat, he should:

     a. Punch her seat repeatedly
     b. Punch her repeatedly
     c. Drink Paper Plane Punch without Amero and Aperol
     d. Put on some headphones, listen to his favorite tunes, and find his ride.

If a lady gets a fat-shaming note in her kid’s lunch box, she should:

     a. Give the teacher a wedgie
     b. Help her­­ kid find his ride
     c. Slander the school’s name
     d. Post the story on social media for all eternity

If a teenager violates the “no turn on red sign” at an intersection, the male bicyclist should:

     a. Throw a bike lock at the car
     b. Chase the car down
     c. Kick the phone from the passenger’s hand before she takes a picture of him.
     d. Choose a different ride

If a woman spills hot coffee on her lap, she should:

     a. Sue the fast food chain
     b. Throw her empty cup at the drive-thru attendant
     c. Laugh and continue her ride
     d. Curse her worst words

If you’re highly intoxicated, you should not

     a. Call 911 to tell the dispatcher that your wife is a “black widow spider”
     b.
     c. Ride a lawnmower, combine, or motorized scooter on an interstate to a bar
     d. Call 911 if you are underage and can’t get an attendant to sell you more beer

If you suffer, you should:

     a. Find your ride
     b. Find your ride
     c. Find your ride
     d. Find your ride

If a police therapy dog steals toys for a charity, you should:

     a. Take away the toys
     b. Make a bed of toys
     c. Learn from the dog
     d. Both b and c

CHRISTY BAILES lives in Fairfield, California.  She is pursuing a second master’s degree in creative writing from California State University, Sacramento.  Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Gyroscope Review, Dovecote Magazine, Panoplyzine, Calaveras Station Literary Journal, The Penmen Review, and Inkwell Journal.  In 2016, she received a master’s degree in creative writing from Southern New Hampshire University, where she studied with Patrick Culliton.  She has also studied poetry with Lynne Knightand won an honorable mention twice in the Mattia International Poetry Contest.  In 1993, she obtained a bachelor’s degree from Eastman School of Music in clarinet performance.