I Don’t Want You to Think I’m Being Careless
I’m a reliable person,
or reliable enough,
like the other end of a gear,
if I’m not careful about something
it’s only because I’m being careful about something else,
when I’m not where you expect me to be it’s because you’re looking in the wrong place,
it’s only because of the freakish athleticism nobody even cares about.
Careful and also thoughtful—
it’s hard to care about something you’re not thinking about,
I mean we care about things when we know something about them,
I think caring is a form of awareness.
When you care about something you feel a sense of responsibility for everything that happens,
that’s what happens,
I’m putting a string around my finger to remind myself.
If it’s an accident honestly I’d rather not be involved
if it’s an accident,
as soon as I know what needs to be prevented I’m going to take precautions,
lifting my shoulders and straightening my breasts in order to avoid confusion—
I’m careful about where I’m being touched,
and what I need to touch,
careful about what I’m feeling.
Of course, there are circumstances you find yourself in
through no fault of your own—
I’m not saying you aren’t going to notice anything,
it’s different for everybody
because everybody is different.
There are also times when you’re trying to be careful but you’re not really,
you feel tender but you’re not always careful because of the tenderness,
it is difficult to be careful when you’re tender,
I mean you’re not always tender when you care about something,
or you don’t care enough, as when you squeeze into a dress that is too small for you,
you always liked it,
next time you’ll be more careful.
Economy of Happiness
Pleasing oneself is the best way to please another person, according to Adam Smith.
I think Adam Smith knew what he was talking about when he said happiness never lays its finger on the pulse.
Whether it pleases another person often depends on how she feels.
A relationship is a process of exchanging feelings, according to Adam Smith,
as if one’s feeling about oneself
is also what one feels for another person.
There are times when another person experiences longings the way you take in a seam
and it pops out somewhere else,
when I’m thinking about another person’s happiness,
I often think it is better to “try it on” first.
Personally another person prefers vintage because of the extra time it gives her to consider what pleases her,
in spite of the economic depreciation.
In the case of water and diamonds associated with Adam Smith, diamonds are pleasing, but water is necessary—
of course no matter how much time you spend with another person
you don’t know what is truly necessary for her.
Another person isn’t always comfortable with what pleases her.
Sometimes I think there isn’t enough happiness to please another person.
When longings are plentiful there are often shortages.